.svg)
Some of them feel rejected in a manner that extends beyond sadness or disappointment. One word, an incorrect interpretation of some writing, a neutral face, or even the thought that a person may be angry with them may cause an emotional outburst. A storm that is so great that it is physical. This has been termed as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which is very much related to ADHD and emotional trauma, though most individuals do not know that they have gone through it.
RSD does not indicate a lack of strength, excessive thought, or emotional incapacity. It is a reflex effect on the nervous system. Rejection is perceived by the brain as a real threat, thereby releasing an extreme emotional pain that may seem instant and overwhelming. To an RSD patient, even the lightest criticism may be a wound. A slow response is apt to seem like rejection. An argument can be as though it is a complete rejection. And all this is in a few seconds, before the logical mind has time to intervene.
Individuals with RSD tend to be very loving, sensitive, and intuitive in nature. They have a keen emotional radar, and this is both an advantage and a disadvantage, in that they pick up signals, whether real or imagined, very fast. They can all at once get into thoughts of I have ruined it, they must dislike me now, I always let down people. Later on, a few moments later, they can back out, close down, over apologize, or make too much effort to correct the situation. It is not that they desire attention, but the pain caused by their emotions cannot be perceived.
To be able to know RSD, you should know its origins. RSD usually becomes an illness of individuals who have lived their lives in a world of criticism, rigid conditions, unstable love, or emotional nullification. To most people with ADHD, the brain does not process dopamine in the same way, resulting in rejection or disapproval being much more difficult. Their response systems are immediate. It does not wait. It does not analyse. It reacts to emotional rejection as actual danger.
It is tiresome to live with RSD. It is not only the emotional intensity that is being hurt, but also the aftermath. Once a reaction is experienced, individuals tend to become embarrassed, ashamed, and confused about why they were reacting the way they did. They can escape any feedback, judgment, and uncertainty. Others become lifelong insecure people-pleasers who want to be perfect and want to be sure not to offend anyone. Other people are scared of relationships as they feel rejected easily.
But there is one other aspect of RSD that is not evident: such people are in love. They care with intensity. They are sensitive to the emotional changes. They pledge their entire heart to trust somebody. They are not sensitive because it is a defect; it is simply an element of their emotionality. But when it is not comprehended, this very sensitivity is hurt.
To be healed with RSD does not imply being insensitive. It consists of learning to control the responses that are excited by sensitivity. It entails getting to know that not all of the delayed responses are rejection. Not all disputes are abandonment. Not all criticism is indicative of value. It has to do with slackening down of the emotional reaction to the extent that the logical mind can be made to contribute to the discussion.
The intensity of RSD is alleviated with the help of emotional regulation, self-soothing, grounding methods, and therapy. Being able to realise their own patterns, people start to distinguish the perceived threats and the real ones. And in case they know how to talk to themselves well, that is, to say I am safe, this is not rejection, I am still valued, the emotional waves are easier to sail through.
Supportive relationships are quite strong. A person with RSD lives well in emotional safety, where communication is effective, reassurance is free, and misunderstandings are dealt with in a gentle manner. In the presence of understanding, their nervous system is taught to rest.
The Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is not dramatic. It is not about exaggeration. It is the feeling of emotional pain so strong that it makes a mark. However, when one comprehends what RSD is, their life starts to change. They cease accusing themselves. They cease being too sensitive. They cease thinking that they are overreacting to all things. On the contrary, they start looking at their sensitivity as their strength that only requires guidance.
RSD should not be something to be embarrassed about. A person needs to learn, cultivate, and negotiate it with kindness. The curing starts the minute you realise that there is nothing wrong with how profoundly you feel, only that you need to know how to contain those feelings, causing no harm.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria not only changes the way an individual will feel inside, but it also defines the way they will relate to the people they love. The person having RSD tends to live with their emotional radar on high in even healthy and stable relationships. They look out at alterations: a slow text response, an apathetic face, a minor tone change, or an aloof partner. What may be a common situation with another person is a potential emotional threat to an individual with RSD.
During such instances, the brain is quick and very intense. Prior to logic getting into the mind to settle the mind, emotions take root: Did I do something wrong? Are they upset with me? Did their feelings change?" It becomes easy to feel the fear because it aches physically. Due to this factor, communication is complex. They can be too explanatory, too apologetic, or attempt to rectify circumstances that were not even wrong. They would pull out at the last moment to guard themselves or pretend not to be close because they fear they are turning out to be a liability.
Sadly enough, a partner or a friend might perceive these reactions as insecurity, dependency, or overthinking, when in real life, they are protective measures towards emotional sensitivity. The RSD can be perceived compassionately, and relationships can be safer places. Brutal sincerity and kind words can turn the misinterpretation into a new level of understanding. RSD is not the cause of the ruined relationships; the misunderstanding of RSD is.
Perfectionism is often a result of having RSD because many people are afraid of how far the emotional experience of being less than perfect goes. Even a minor slip does not merely feel like a slip, but like rejection, which is on its way to occurring. An oversight is like evidence of incompetence. Even a slight misunderstanding is an indication of a person who is going to leave. To avoid this agonising eventuality, RSD patients actually devise a survival mechanism, being unconsciously: be perfect, please everyone, upset no one.
The result is people-pleasing behaviours, such as saying yes when one is tired, not wanting to conflict, not wanting to have needs, and putting the feelings of others first before their own, constantly. They observe the reactions of other people, attempting to evade even the tiniest trace of disapproval. Perfectionism is a defence mechanism; a defence mechanism to be safe:
Unless I do something wrong, no one will quit me.
But this faith brings emotional fatigue.
It is not the motivation to perform well, but rather it is the fear that underlies the motivation. Once a person starts to realize the relationship between RSD and perfectionism, he or she can gradually drop the burden to do. The process of healing means one has to accept that mistakes do not make a person unworthy, that imperfections do not cancel out love, and that emotional safety does not demand perfection but needs to be authentic and caring.
It is not the sensitivity that is the evolution of the problem of RSD, but the fear of the sensitivity. Healing starts as an individual trains his/her nervous system to be calm, even in cases where feelings run high. Emotional safety is not bestowed by another person; it is learned to be made within oneself.
This in-house safety begins with enlightenment. You start to wait rather than respond immediately to what appears to be rejection. Powerful pause - it breaks the automatic spiral. It is there that you learn how to breathe, get into reality, and pose the question, Is it fear that causes this reaction, or is it reality? These little interruptions become the blocks of self-trust over a period. Techniques of emotional regulation (deep breathing, grounding, journaling, and self-soothing) assist the brain in coming out of a hyper-reactive state.
Self-kindness is also necessary in healing RSD. The force of denial is fuelled by harsh self-talk. Your nervous system starts to relax when you substitute it with compassion, "I am suffering, but I am not in danger, or this seems so, but it is not necessarily true, or it feels like it is, but it might not be so, etc. The storms of emotions diminish slowly. You begin to realise that rejection, disappointment, or criticism, though painful, are tolerable. Your worth remains intact.
You eventually cease to live in fear of how people will react to you. You construct fences, declare what you want, and have faith in your feelings without letting it consume you. Healing does not imply that the sensitivity will not exist anymore, but it does not destroy you anymore. You are a haven for yourself.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is not excessive sensitivity, being over dramatic, or over reacting. It is a factual, neurologic experience that determines how a person feels, thinks, responds, loves, and defends themselves. To RSD patients, the world may become noisier, heavier, and more emotionally charged, and they may also recover to become softer, safer, and easier to cope with as soon as they are aware of what is going on within themselves.
The first path to healing is consciousness. Viewing your own responses through the prism of RSD makes you not blame yourself any longer when feeling emotions you did not choose. You get the sense behind some scenes being impactful as they are. You learn to stop and not get carried away, to be kind to yourself and to care about your heart, not to judge it.
Curing RSD is not the act of rooting out sensitivity, but rather, strengths are created. It involves generating some emotional safety for yourself, selecting the environment that favours you, making relationships where there is clarity in communication, and self-soothing when you become frightened. As time passes by, you start believing in yourself. You start getting solid rather than feeling devastated. You start to act in a conscious manner rather than being fearful.
And best of all, you know this fact: Nothing is wrong with how deeply you are in your heart. It is not wrong to be as intense in your feelings.
Sensitivity is not a weakness of yours; it is a component of your emotional intelligence, your empathy, your intuition, and your ability to love.
RSD does not define you. It merely requests you to be kind to yourself, to be curious about your patterns, and to be a little bit more considerate of the person you are becoming as you go through the world. You are not broken.
You are studying yourself, beautifully and courageously, and bit by bit.
Subscribe to our newsletter and get the latest updates and insights—straight to your inbox.
